Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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