you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
