my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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