it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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