He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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