she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sext me about skeletons
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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