Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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