My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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