Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
