6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
