wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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