6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
