Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
