no, he came in my armpit
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
time to smoke my breakfast
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
