okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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