Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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