How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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