I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
