Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
