Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
