Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
