It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
