Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize