her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
