Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
