Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
