Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
