You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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