I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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