You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
