I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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