somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
