I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
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have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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