Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
