May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
