My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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