just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
