I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
