It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
