she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
this will be a night to untag.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
