my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
