did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
