fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
