In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
