she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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