So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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