When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
