Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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