My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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