I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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