Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
