it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
