i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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