Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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