I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
