I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize