There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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