i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
