Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize