A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
