stop calling my apartment porn island.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
