If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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