yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
