Betty ford says i'm here all night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
